A noise has the soothing influence of opium and chloral without their danger. I have established the fact, after expending $10,000,000, that the best rattles for the purpose are made by a silver bell enclosed in a hollow india-rubber sphere, to which a handle is affixed. Thus constructed, the rattle in the hands of either infancy or old age, the youth or adult, the maiden or her lover, the old maid or the bachelor, the widow or the widower, the barbarian or the civilized man, the king or the subject, the gentleman or the ruffian, the honest man or the thief, the Christian or the Jew, the saint or the sinner, the gentleman or the blackguard, the moral man or the hardened wretch who panders to the most depraved appetites of the scoundrels, who fatten on the life blood of the people — all, all, must have the india-rubber, health-giving and mind-soothing rattle. The undersigned has devoted over two hundred and fifty years, both in this world and in a former state of existence, to the investigation of the properties of india-rubber and silver. He has ascertained, after many failures, and the expenditure of over $20,000,000, that they exercise health and life-giving properties to all men. Rattle and you will live, rattle and you will be happy, rattle and you 54 SYMPTOMS OF GENERAL PARESIS. will prosper, rattle and you will be successful, rattle and you will be able to procreate more children than the universe can contain. A company must be organized to carry out the benevolent objects which the undersigned has in view. No subscriptions in money are required, as he has taken all the stock, to the extent of $1,000,000,000. He is now contracting for all the rubber the world can produce, and is about buying two hundred of the richest silver mines in the world. Every man, woman and child on the face of the earth will require several rattles, for, by varying the tone of the bell, different properties are given to the rattle, and hence the same rattle will not do for every person or for every purpose. Come up, therefore, and aid in this grand undertaking in which profits of thousands of millions of dollars will be made every year, and the human race rendered happy.<Callout type="warning" title="Unproven Claims">The claims about the health benefits of rattles are not supported by scientific evidence.</Callout><Callout type="tip" title="Investment Opportunity">Consider investing in rubber or silver mines if you believe in the rattle's efficacy.</Callout> (Abstract, Hammond, of. cit.^ p. 601.)
Key Takeaways
- The author claims that rattles made from silver bells enclosed in rubber spheres have health and happiness benefits.
- The supposed benefits are said to apply universally, regardless of age or social status.
- The author has invested heavily in researching the properties of india-rubber and silver.
Practical Tips
- Investigate alternative methods for stress relief that are scientifically validated before relying on unproven claims like those made about rattles.
- Consider the potential business opportunities presented by investing in rubber or silver if you believe in the author's claims.
- Explore other forms of sensory stimulation, such as music therapy, which has a more established scientific basis.
Warnings & Risks
Unproven Claims
The claims about the health benefits of rattles are not supported by scientific evidence.
Financial Risk
Investing in rubber or silver may be risky if you do not have a solid understanding of market conditions and trends.
Modern Application
While the specific claims about the health benefits of rattles are not supported by modern science, this chapter highlights the importance of marketing and public relations in promoting new ideas. In today's world, it is crucial to critically evaluate any health or wellness products before investing time or money into them.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What does the author claim about the rattles?
The author claims that rattles made from silver bells enclosed in rubber spheres have health and happiness benefits, stating that they can be used by anyone regardless of age or social status.
Q: How much did the author invest in researching india-rubber and silver?
The author has invested over $20,000,000 in researching the properties of india-rubber and silver after expending $10,000,000 on establishing that the best rattles are made from a silver bell enclosed in a hollow india-rubber sphere.
Q: What does the author suggest people do with this information?
The author suggests organizing a company to carry out the benevolent objects of promoting the use of rattles, stating that profits of thousands of millions of dollars will be made every year and the human race rendered happy.